Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
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Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
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You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
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