we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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