I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
Randomize
