she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
Randomize
