hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
