im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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