once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
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