Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
Randomize
