We got so high we made milksteak
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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