have fun at tinkers! p.s. are there any hot guys who look like they wanna wait until marriage to have sex?
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
Randomize
