that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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