break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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