i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
Buhtt sex?
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
Randomize
