is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
Is that strawberry winking at me??
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