It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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