This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
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