I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Randomize
