Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Randomize
