im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
Randomize
