Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Randomize
