you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize