you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
