FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
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