JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize
