No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
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