I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
Randomize
