We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
Just pee around me
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
Randomize
