One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
Randomize
