Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
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