I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
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