I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
