I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
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