you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
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