The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
where are my pants?
in the oven.
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
