shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
