i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
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