i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
Randomize
