best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
How external is "for external use only"?
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
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