I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
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