omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
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besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
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I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
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