I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
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