Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
Randomize
