I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
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