You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Randomize
