I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
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