I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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