i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
Randomize
