i think my mom watched the whole time
I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
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