**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
Randomize
