i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
Randomize
