just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
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