But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Randomize
