hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
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