you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
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Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
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