Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
Randomize
