Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Randomize
