I only kidnapped one of them. chill
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
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