Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
Randomize
