my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize
