Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
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