Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
smell my finger.
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
I need to calm my uterus...
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
Randomize
