My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
i would one night stand the shit outta him
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
Randomize
